Jokes!

[Bakster]

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[Dodger]

lol good one 

[Bakster]

About time my jokes got some recognition

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident... Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt... This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break... Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

[ultswordsman]

lol that bitxch

[eddie]

lol, iv herd that one before

[Reg50]

Here's a short joke.... What do you do to a dog that won't stop humping your leg?
You beat it off .

[Bakster]

A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice." An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-! 47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either. The REDNECK, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the Mexican and the Iraqi, then catches his glass as it falls into his hand. HE says, "In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice"

[Dodger]

Heheheh nice one. 

[Bakster]

President Bush visits a primary school classroom. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks President Bush if he would like to lead the discussion of the word' tragedy.'
So the president asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him that would be a 'tragedy'."

"No," says President Bush, "that would be an accident." A little girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains President Bush. "That's what we would call a 'great loss'."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searches the room.

"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice, he says: "If Air Force One carrying you, Mr. President, were struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a' tragedy'."

"Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a 'tragedy'?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it certainly wouldn't be a 'great loss', and it probably wouldn't be an 'accident' either".

[Bakster]

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens didn't exist back then.

Sorry, but I'm not bothering copying from my jokes site just to be ignored...

I DESERVE ATTENTION!!

[eddie]

just because we dont respond, doesnt mean were not lauphing at u, just as im sure you will all be laffing at me because i dont know how to spell laphfing... i hate owr language. like that "i before e, exept after c" rule.  heres a few exeptions 2 that rule:

fancied
society 
societal 
societies 
icier 
dicier 
lacier 
racier 
fancier 
glacier 
juicier 
pricier 
spicier 
bouncier 
chancier 
fanciers 
fleecier 
glaciers 
concierge 
financier 
concierges 
financiers 
ancient 
science 
ancients 
hacienda 
incienso 
nescient 
sciences 
scienter 
anciently 
deficient 
efficient 
haciendas 
nescience 
prescient 
scientist 
conscience 
deficiency 
efficiency 
omniscient 
prescience 
proficient 
scientific 
scientists 
sufficient 
ancientness 
calefacient 
coefficient 
consciences 
efficiently 
inefficient 
omniscience 
presciently 
rubefacient 
sufficiency 
coefficients 
deficiencies 
efficiencies 
inefficiency 
insufficient 
neuroscience 
proficiently 
putrefacient 
rubefacients 
sorbefacient 
sufficiently 
unscientific 
abortifacient 
calorifacient 
conscientious 
inefficiently 
insufficiency 
proficiencies 
pseudoscience 
sufficiencies 
abortifacients 
absorbefacient 
conscienceless 
insufficiently 
scientifically 
conscientiously 
unconscientious 
pseudoscientific 
unscientifically 
conscientiousness 
unconscientiousness 
iciest 
diciest 
laciest 
raciest 
fanciest 
deity (deified, deify)
eider
eiderdown
eidetic
eidolon
Eifel Tower (name?)
eikon (icon)
Einstein theory (name?)
either
foreign (foreigner)
forfeit
height (heighten)
leisure
neither
protein
reincarnate
reinforce
reinstate
reinsure
reinvigorate
reiterate
seize
sovereign
specie
species
weird
juiciest 
priciest 
spiciest 
bounciest 
chanciest 
fleeciest   
baccies 
fancies 
mercies 
reccies 
species 
abbacies 
agencies 
curacies 
idiocies 
legacies 
lunacies 
papacies 
piracies 
policies 
decencies 
fallacies 
infancies 
potencies 
prelacies 
primacies 
privacies 
regencies 
secrecies 
tenancies 
truancies 
urgencies 
vacancies 
valencies 
accuracies 
adequacies 
advocacies 
currencies 
delegacies 
delicacies 
exigencies 
intimacies 
lambencies 
pharmacies 
prophecies 
subspecies 
tangencies 
tendencies 
valiancies 
aberrancies 
apparencies 
autocracies 
baronetcies 
candidacies 
captaincies 
coherencies 
constancies 
contumacies 
covalencies 
democracies 
diplomacies 
emergencies 
frequencies 
hesitancies 
immediacies 
indecencies 
intricacies 
jubilancies 
militancies 
monocracies 
occupancies 
poignancies 
pregnancies 
residencies 
superficies 
supremacies 
theocracies 
absorbencies 
ascendancies 
ascendencies 
bankruptcies 
brilliancies 
chaplaincies 
competencies 
compliancies 
conspiracies 
deficiencies 
degeneracies 
dependencies 
divergencies 
efficiencies 
expectancies 
expediencies 
inaccuracies 
inadequacies 
incumbencies 
indelicacies 
insistencies 
insolvencies 
insurgencies 
interspecies 
intraspecies 
magistracies 
permanencies 
plutocracies 
precedencies 
presidencies 
profligacies 
redundancies 
stringencies 
turbulencies 
viscountcies 
accountancies 
ambivalencies 
aristocracies 
astringencies 
bueraucracies 
chieftaincies 
confederacies 
conservancies 
consistencies 
consultancies 
contingencies 
convergencies 
delinquencies 
discrepancies 
incoherencies 
inconstancies 
infrequencies 
inhabitancies 
irrelevancies 
lieutenancies 
meritocracies 
paramountcies 
persistencies 
proficiencies 
sufficiencies 
technocracies 
constituencies 
independencies 
precipitancies 
preoccupancies 
transparencies 
inconsistencies 
transcendencies 

[Silencer]

^^^

way too much free time

[The_Gu3st]

Or perhaps he copied that off a website? Think about it silencer... you really think he came up with that entire list while sitting there and thinking about a grammar rule? Seriously...

[Bakster]

This is a great joke!

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story; "If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye."

[The_Gu3st]